Dear Matt
by AishyNee-Chan
Summary: Mello writes Matt a letter explaining everything.  Set the night before Takada's kidnapping.   WARNING; CONTAINS SPOILERS
1. Chapter 1

A/N; This is something I've been jotting down for the past week or so.. I've only just finished it.  
Hopefully it's alright.. this is my first one shot that's from Mello's POV completely.

Disclaimer; I don't own Death Note :/

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Dear Matt,

I know what you're thinking, "Why the fuck Mello sending me a goddamn _letter?"_  
Well, it's because I want to tell you the complete truth for once. About everything.

When I first saw you Matty, I honestly hated you. I mean I had my own room, and you had to come along and steal it! I hated how you were really intelligent and easily ranked number 3, just one rank behind me, without even having to study! You were just in _my _room all the time playing on your crappy Game Boy Advance!  
It was just 'tap, tap, tap' then an 'Oh shit!' every now and again. It was _very _frustrating as you always seemed to do it whenever I was studying! You bastard.  
And there were also the sneaky little fags you secretly smoked out the window.  
It made the whole room stink. It made me stink. Plus the fact that you were only 11!

Everything you did pissed me off. And yes everything. Even your bright orange goggles that everyone thought were insanely 'cool'.  
Except Near. That little fucking albino freak – the only person (robot) that I hated more than you.  
Anyway, back to your goggles. They made you look like a prat. They really did. I mean, they covered ¾ of your face, they were too big for your surprisingly small head so you had to tie a huge knot at the back, and they were orange. Orange. You could have picked a nice colour, like blue or green. But no. you had to go for orange. You pussy.

The one thing you done that made me hate you even more than I already did, was that. You. Stole. My. Fucking. Chocolate.  
That action resulted in you having to stay with the nurse for 3 days. Them bruises didn't fade for 2 months!  
That shows that no one steals my chocolate Matty. Not even you, my best friend.

A month after that incident, when the scores for the Math, English and Science exams were released, and I was once again 2nd. You comforted me. Well you _tried _to. All that I remember was seeing red, with a lot of anger at having lost to Near _again_, so I took my anger out on you by punching you in the face. Repeatedly, and then running off. I most have scoffed all the chocolate I had on me, which is a lot. All I remember, while trying to calm myself down was that to beat Near, I would have to _be _Near…  
Do you remember when I stormed back into our room, how you said my name with so much care in your voice even though I had just kicked the shit out of you? Well at the moment, I realised that I didn't hate you, really. That night everything changed for us. I even apologised to you. Then you had the cheek to say;  
_"I do find fiery chicks quite hot.. I would totally bang you some day."  
_And of course, I hit you. You are one cheeky little shit Matt.

I still don't know why you forgave me and became my best friend after all the shit I put you through. But I am glad you did.  
Once we were friends Wammy's became so much more fun! Playing pranks on Roger, starting food fights in the canteen at lunch, pissing off Near, stealing extra chocolate, the list goes on and on. It was amazing, because finally I had someone to do it all with.  
Before you came along, all I did was study and eat chocolate, but you introduced me to the world of video games. For a short time. Kind off. I really am sorry that I broke your playstation. And our TV. And your wrist. Again. Honestly, I am but that stupid game made me lose and I NEVER like to lose! How could I, Mello lose at a stupid video game? But I hope that when I bought you the new Gameboy Advance SP and all the Pokémon games to replace the ones that you lost years ago made up for it. Everyone else thinks that you just like all video games, but I know that your favourite hand held is Pokémon; because that is how much I pay attention to you Matty.

I know that I sound like a right pussy in this letter, but now is not the time to be some prideful, arrogant blond. I _need _to tell you everything, just in case somehow one of us doesn't make it out of the Kira Case alive. I need you to know why I am like I am. You deserve the truth Matt, as you have put up with all of my shit for too long.

You were my first friend, ever. All my life I pretended that I didn't need or want any friends. If anyone ever tried to get close to me, it would end up them getting the crap beaten out off them.  
I suppose I should tell you the reason why. Why I never let anyone close to me, the reason I ended up at Wammy's in the first place…

Before Wammy's, before the other 3 orphanages I was sent too, I lived with my Mother, her bloke and my little brother and sister. Sounds like the perfect set up right? Well we were far from perfect. My Mother had bi-polar. Normally she could control it with her pills; at first she did. But after a while, the only time she would willingly take them was when she was lying on the kitchen floor far too doped up to do anything, with spilt alcohol everywhere. But when she refused to take them, it was unbearable.  
I remember one night she was pissed, and when she's pissed without having any drugs she would run upstairs to the room that my siblings and I shared and beat me. Her reason? Because I could take it, better than my siblings at least. Once she finished beating me, she would scream at me saying that it was my fault she was like this… the reason that my Father left. Do you know what? I believed her. I believed every single piece of bullshit that came out of her mouth, because she was my Mother.  
There's not much to say about her bloke. Just that he done fuck all. Yeah, I know that it all sounds tragic but I got over. I never intend to return. Even if it means not being able to see my little brother or sister again.

When I was 8, I had enough of their shit. So I left, just like that. I took nothing except my Grandmother's rosary. I remember running, just trying to get away from there while holding tightly onto the rosary in my fist. Eventually I found myself outside the local Catholic Church. As I stood there, deciding whether to go in or not, it rained. So I guess it was decided for me. I had to go in. The first think I did was run up to the cross that was mounted behind the Pulpit and just kneeled in front of it, hoping. I have no idea how long I kneeled there for, but some time later I woke up to the Priest shaking me awake while muttering a string of prayers.

The rest was a blur, but soon I found myself at some orphanage that was run the Church Community. I hated that place so much, it was unbearable. The place was full of Nuns that stuck their nose in everyone's business. I hated it. After a week I was sent somewhere else, as they couldn't handle me. Damn Nuns. The next orphanage wasn't much better as they didn't give a shit about me. They took one look at me and just wrote me off. So too get their attention I mouthed off. About everything. So I was sent to another orphanage; the final orphanage before Wammy's. That place was the worst. They threatened to physically hurt me if I didn't behave, bearing in mind what my Mother used to do it didn't go down too well. So I left, but not before I trashed the place. But that meant that once again I was back out on the streets, sleeping in shop doorways, stealing food – mainly chocolate as it was the easiest to steal. It was like that for weeks until one night a man known worldwide as Quillish Wammy found me and brought me to Wammy's House. He is the one person I respect other than L. He was the one who saved me; the one who introduced me to you Matty, my other saviour.

I think I have some apologizing to do…  
That day I found out that L was killed by Kira a million thoughts were going through my head. But I only voiced one of them; "Who did he pick?"  
Then I heard the terrible news from Roger, he _hadn't _picked, and that Roger wanted Near and I too work together. Yeah, like that's _ever _going to happen! That old coot really didn't know what he was talking. Then Near had to open his big gob… That one sentence did it for me;  
_"If you can't win at the game, if you can't solve the puzzle then you're just a loser."_  
That is what made me leave – what made me decide that no matter what I had to catch Kira before Near; for L. To avenge L.  
I'm sorry Matt. I'm sorry for not taking you with me, for not even saying goodbye. But it was better that way, I wanted you to forget about me. I wasn't and I'm still not worth your time. I thought that if I hurt you enough that you would get sick of me and move on. But I guess that plan failed, ne? Another reason why I couldn't say goodbye was that it was too difficult. I knew that if I saw your face one last time, heard you begging for me to stay I would've. But I couldn't, I _had _to leave.  
So I stole a bunch of money from Roger's safe and just got a plane to L.A.  
Why to L.A you ask? Well, that _is _where the Mafia is and I knew that if I played my cards right I could use them in the quest to get the Death Note.

I know I said at the start of the letter that I would tell you the truth about everything, but I simply cannot tell you about what I was doing in the Mafia. You see, the Mafia is a huge business and if they found out I've told you what they've, what _I've _done they will kill us both. I want to protect you Matt, I don't want to cause you anymore hurt or pain. But we both know that's not going to happen as I still kick your ass for stealing my chocolate!

One of the only things I regret is getting Soichiro Yagami killed. I truly didn't mean for him to get killed. He is a good man, a good believer in justice. When I was perched on the desk, just inches away from the button when he looked at me I saw surprise, passion, pain, sympathy in his eyes. I believe that he did want me to live. When he said my name _Mihael Keehl _I was shocked; he had the Shinigami Eyes! Kira's weapon; he was Kira's weapon and nothing else. If my deduction is correct – that Light Yagami is the second L and Kira, that he had no trouble in using his own father, and sending him to his death, then he is the definition of evil.  
Once I pressed that switch, I thought it was all over. I thought that I was going to die. But once again Matty, you saved me. I never thought that you would actually come for me, that you would nurse me to health; I never knew that you could be so tender. When you were tending to the burns on the face I saw how much you care in your eyes. You grew into a fine young man.

I guess there's no delaying it now. Tomorrow might be our last day on this Earth. Anything could happen; but you have to get out of this alive. You cannot die, and god dammit, I will not let you die!  
But just in case I think I should tell you…  
Mail Jeevas, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since we were 13. Yeah, 7 years. I love everything about you, you are the only person I could love and I do not care if you are straight! You need to know my feelings!  
There's nothing left to tell you know. I've told you everything you need to know.

Mello.  
P.S Don't fuck it up tomorrow or I swear to God I will kill you!

_Mello walked over to Matt's bedroom door, slid the letter underneath the door and knocked once. He then hurried back into his own room slamming the door shut, while kissing his Grandmother's Rosary._

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_A/N; So that's Mello's letter...  
Reviews? :3


	2. Update

From the 17th August, I have decided to move some of my stories to this account. Some will be rewritten, but some I'm afraid will be deleted.

Thank you.

(This is a mass chapter)


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